


(grant my last request) and just let me hold you

by smolsarcasticraspberry



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Dom Shiro (Voltron), F/M, Friends With Benefits, Light Dom/sub, Space Station AU, Sub Allura (Voltron), grungy SF AU, porn with feelings goddammit always with the feelings, shallura - Freeform, some light restraining and holding going on here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 18:39:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolsarcasticraspberry/pseuds/smolsarcasticraspberry
Summary: on a station out in deep space, Shiro and Allura have an arrangement that's purely casual: no-strings-attached sex, and no feelings allowed. but Shiro's never been great at following rules, and Allura grossly underestimated his ability to fall in love with her...or: the one where they're fuck buddies but someone catches feelings.





	(grant my last request) and just let me hold you

**Author's Note:**

> this was a prompt fill from tumblr, for the prompts: "things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear" + "things you said after you kissed me". apparently i just have to make everything a long and complex AU, now. that's just how i roll. huge thanks to Rie ([wingsofbadass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingsofbadass)) for reading the rough draft of this and helping me polish it up.

Allura told him once that she only planned to be on Merzura Gate for a few months; that she'd be gone before he had a chance to get attached to her. She said it the first night they met, under the neon lights of one of Merzura's seedy dive bars, when Shiro told her he'd never encountered anyone quite so beautiful as her. She smiled and downed her drink, and told him there'd be others like her - other angelic faces that would come and go - and then she took him back to her apartment on the fancy side of the station, and rode him until his soul left his body, and he's never quite recovered since.

She's wrong, of course. She drastically underestimated his ability to fall in love with her.

The second time they hooked up, she came to his quarters bearing a bottle of cheap hooch and a determined expression, and she told him firmly that this could only be casual and he wasn't allowed to attach any strings to it. Shiro agreed because that's how relationships go on Merzura. No one's looking for anything serious; it's always purely physical. Merzura Gate isn't a place where people come to settle down, or build a life. Flung out on the edge of a busy industrial star system, the space station occupies one of the larger and more stable asteroids in the Outer Belt; hollowed out and geoformed with domes and life support systems that just about keep the place comfortable for the inhabitants. It used to be a military base, but when the Galra Empire withdrew, the station got repurposed to serve the commercial traffic that heads out of the inner planets towards the giant, crackling jumpgate that hangs at the edge of the heliosphere.

It's not a station where anyone comes looking for long-term prospects. Rotations are short, and turnover is high, and the chances of advancement or promotion are slim-to-non-existent. Gaters meet and pass like strangers; everyone is on their way to somewhere else, or something better. There's no point getting into a serious romance with someone who might ship out at a moment's notice.

Even Shiro doesn't intend to stay on Merzura forever. He came out here because the money is good, even though the conditions are pretty awful. But he grew up on an asteroid colony, so he's used to it: the creak of the station, the acrid smell that no air filter can every truly remove; the way no one's sleep schedule is ever entirely in sync, so that you always feel like you're sleeping alone.

Maybe that's why Allura feels special. She sleeps at the same time he does, and wakes up just an hour before him. They are otherwise dissimilar - she comes from another system entirely; she used to be rich, whereas Shiro's always been dirt poor; and she's quint-sensitive, which means she gets fancy freelance gigs checking the drives of the ships before they head out-system. She's also well-spoken and charming, and gets along well with the station supes. Shiro, meanwhile, is a mechanic with one robotic arm and a knack for putting his foot in it.

By rights, they never should have met. Shiro's glad they did, though - however casually or fleetingly. But even for a Gater, Allura is curiously insistent that this is _just_ a friends-with-benefits arrangement. She's going soon, she always says. She'll have to leave any day now.

But it's been six months, and she's still here, and that's more than long enough for the pattern of Shiro's life to rearrange itself around her, like planetary debris being pulled into her orbit.

They hang out a few times a week, whenever their shifts allow, and when they do it usually ends in amazing, mind-blowing sex. Allura has a theory about why they're so good together; something to do with quintessence resonance, and their sacred energies being compatible. Whatever the reason, she's the best partner Shiro's ever been with, of any gender. The whole arrangement would be perfect, were it not for the tiny, inconvenient fact that Shiro is in love with her, and he's not supposed to be.

He feels it most on nights like this, when she comes to his quarters to sit cross-legged on his sofa and complain about everything that's wrong with the station, the system, and the universe in general. His accommodation is pretty sparse and basic: a single room housing a tiny kitchen, a desk and workspace, his bed in a raised alcove, and a sofa. It's a room built to accommodate one person as efficiently as possible, not a space to get comfortable in: the walls are too grey; the ceiling too low; the lighting too impersonal. But with Allura here, it doesn't feel so lonely. She seems to light up the entire space just with her presence. She eats terrible protein rations out of a tub, and tells him how the whole food supply chain is corrupt and only serves to make money for corporate interests, and Shiro nods his agreement and tries not to let his affection show too clearly on his face.

They're just talking, but she's so animated and full of life, and Shiro loves it. He loves the way her face crinkles up when she gets annoyed, and the way she gestures wildly with her spoon when she wants to make a point. It feels like a window into a different kind of life: something normal and mundane, where they're dating and not just hooking-up.

She pauses in her rant about the ethics of monetised food supply chains on extraplanetary stations with no naturally occurring ecosystems, and pokes him with her foot.

"What's that look for?" she asks. She throws her spoon and the empty protein tub onto the table, and sits up.

"What look?" Shiro asks.

"You get all soft around the eyes when I talk about systemic injustice," Allura says. "It's cute."

"I think it's nice that you care so much about it," he tells her.

"And you don't?"

He reaches out to play with the end of her braid, as he thinks about how to answer her.

"I do care," he says. "I guess I'm just more pragmatic about it. I don't see things changing any time soon. But you always talk like you can save the whole universe."

She looks thoughtful as he says it, and a storm of emotions swirls behind her eyes, too fast for him to read them.

"Sometimes I wish I could," she says quietly.

He longs to ask her what that means; what sadness in her history prompts her to think like that. She never talks about where she came from, or why she's here. Her past is a closed book. All Shiro knows for certain is that something bad happened to her - some trauma or loss that marked her deeply. She keeps the pain locked away inside, but sometimes the ghosts of it creep out.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks. It's futile. He already knows she'll say no. But he puts it out there anyway, on the off-chance that maybe today she'll say yes.

She meets his gaze, and her expression shifts as she pushes down on whatever melancholy thoughts currently plague her.

"Enough talking," she says. She gets up and straddles his lap, and the look in her eye leaves him in no doubt as to what she wants right now. This is a distraction for her; something physical and fun, so that she doesn't have to think or talk about the past. And so as much as Shiro longs to tell her that she is perfect and funny and sweet; that she is everything to him; that he would gladly sit and hold her while she spills every dark secret in her heart… he bites his tongue and says nothing. She asked for something casual, and that's what they agreed to, and if he lets her know how deep he's fallen into his feelings, she'll walk out and never look back.

"Fine," he says. "But what are you going to do with that mouth if we don't talk?"

She answers his smirk with a grin of her own, and kisses him possessively, her tongue claiming his mouth and silencing any further conversation. They don't kiss much, but Allura enjoys it as a precursor to what comes next. Shiro savours every precious moment of it, as the echo of an intimacy they can never truly share. She is not in love with him. This is just a fun distraction for her; a way to blow off steam after a long shift. But her kisses taste like something deeper, and Shiro hoards that sensation like gold.

Over the months they've spent together, they have settled into habits and routines. Allura knows what he likes, and he knows her preferences in turn, so when they fuck it's automatic. Allura grinds down onto his lap until he's hard, her hands mussing up his hair as he traces kisses down her throat. Then she stands and sheds her clothes without ceremony. Shiro shrugs out of his overalls before Allura has the chance to get impatient with him, and grabs her fingers to pull her back to him.

Tonight, however, she has mischievous ideas in mind. She runs her hands over his chest and then kneels in front of him, between his legs. The sight of her like this makes his breath hitch. He knows from past experience that she enjoys sucking him off, but she doesn't do it often. It's an indulgence. Allura on her knees means she feels like taking her time tonight, and a heated thrill runs through Shiro's veins.

She strokes her hand along his length, and the contact makes him shiver. He runs his fingers into her hair - a touch of reassurance more than anything else, guiding her into place. Allura's gaze flickers from his eyes to his cock, and she licks him gently - teasing, light - and mouths around the sensitive underside of the head before she sucks him into her mouth. Shiro groans, and his grip tighten reflexively in her hair as she bobs her head, taking more of him inside her with every slow stroke. She does it to tease him; he knows that much. The glint in her eyes gives her away, and she's done this to him before. He doesn't mind. He doesn't want to finish like this, anyway - especially not this quickly.

Sometimes, when Allura gets into this mood, he lets himself imagine that this is a real relationship; that they are lovers, worshipping each other's bodies long into the night. The fantasy is only fleeting, but it leaves an ache of longing in his chest. Because it's not real. Allura has her mouth on him because she enjoys it, that's all. So it's better to set aside foolish wishes and just concentrates on the sensation of her tongue and lips embracing his length. At least that's a simple, physical pleasure, uncomplicated by messy feelings he shouldn't have.

Allura waits until he's panting and flushed; until he's twitching his hips up into her mouth. Then she pulls off him, and stands up. Shiro grabs hold of her wrist, just firmly enough to keep her from moving, and runs his fingers up her inner thigh. He dips into her crease, and rubs a finger through the wetness he finds there, and when he catches the nub of her clit she gasps.

"You like having me in your mouth, Princess?" he asks, the nickname whispering out on his breath.

"You already knew that," she says.

"I like the reminder," he replies.

She looks him in the eye, and gently but firmly removes his hand from between her legs. Tonight, she's giving him mixed messages: drawing closer one minute, then putting the distance back between them without warning. She turns around and straddles his lap with her back to him, so that he can't see her face as she slides down onto him. Only her throaty moan gives him any clue as to how much she enjoys him.

He loves how she feels, no matter how they do this. It's the quintessence, according to Allura; the resonance of their energies as their bodies move together. But she's also delightfully tight and wet as she rocks on him, so strong and supple and purposeful in her movements. Shiro holds her hips and guides her into a rhythm that works for both of them, before he lets his hands roam over the planes of her abdomen until he cups her breasts. She braces on his thighs and gasps, still moving, still taking him deeper and deeper with each stroke, using his body to chase her release.

He calls her Princess as a joke, because she used to be rich. But tonight, she is more like a queen on her throne. He kisses the back of her neck and her shoulders - the only sign of devotion he dares to show. She is beautiful in every aspect - her skin dark and rich and soft, her muscles firm, her curves supple and warm. He could drown in her, if only she would let him. He loops his metal arm around her waist and runs his left hand up to her neck, pressed to her throat, not tight enough to choke her but firm enough to imply it. It's another thing she likes, and she leans forward into the pressure of his hand. He holds her firm and presses his lips to her neck, drawing a groan out of her.

"Fuck - Takashi -" she breathes, and he must be doing something right to earn the utterance of his first name. It falls from her lips like a rare gift, and it spears right through Shiro's heart. He wishes she would use it more often, but it's too personal. Too close. Too much like an attachment that she doesn't want to have.

"You like that, Princess?" he asks, and she moans in response, and her fingers dig into his thighs. He drops his right hand down to her pelvis and finds her clit with his finger, so that she rubs against him with each downward plunge of her hips onto his cock.

It doesn't take her long to come like this, and when she does she cries out and throws her head back as she tightens around him. Her movements falter, but Shiro thrusts up into her and rubs her through it, drawing out the delightful symphony of her pleasure. The pink marks on her skin glow white, and her quintessence ripples through him so fiercely that even without a sensitivity to it, he still feels the pulse of her energy. It hits him in waves that die down as Allura's climax subsides, and she flops back against his chest, limp and boneless, her skin slick with sweat.

Shiro kisses her neck, and nibbles at her earlobe. He's still painfully hard, and he presses up into her in a wordless plea for them to continue. Allura groans, and grips his arm where it's wrapped around her.

"Your turn," she mumbles. "I've worked hard enough."

He chuckles, and eases her up off his lap. His quarters are so small that his bed is only a few feet away from the sofa, and Shiro puts his hands on Allura's shoulders and guides her over to the alcove. She grabs a pillow and lies down on her stomach on the mattress, the cushion under her pelvis, lifting her hips slightly. She keeps her legs together, only slightly parted, inviting Shiro to enter her from behind.

"You want it like this, baby?" Shiro asks, and she nods.

He doesn't mind how they do it. He honestly doesn't, because he's so addicted to Allura and how good she feels that he'll fuck her any way she asks, and let her fuck him too when the mood takes her. It's just that… when they first started this arrangement, they would sit or lie face to face. Allura saw no problem with it, and she would lie on her back beneath him and he could watch her face as she fell apart for him. But recently, she keeps her back to him more often; as if she is scared to meet his gaze when he's inside her.

He longs to roll her over onto her back and kiss her as he plunges into her; he longs to pant out his climax into the crook of her neck and feel her arms around him as he comes. But he knows from experience that she'll resist any effort to increase the intimacy of the moment. They are not lovers; this is not a romance. She doesn't want to see his face. She just wants to get off, and Shiro can do that for her.

However he gets to be with her, he'll take it. He loves her too much to say no to her.

He straddles her thighs and lifts her hips slightly, exposing the flushed wetness of her pussy. He slips between her lips and buries himself inside her with a groan. Like this - her legs trapped between his knees, her hips pressed to the pillow - she feels tighter, and the sensation is almost overwhelming. But he holds onto his control and fucks her slowly, nice and deep, so that Allura gasps and groans in time with the rock of his hips. He squeezes her ass as he thrusts into her, and runs his hands up her back, as far as he can reach, following the pink swirls on her skin and gripping her waist and hips in turn.

He leans forward and brushes the hair away from her cheek. She lies with her head turned to the side, resting on the pillows, so that he can see half of her face in profile: her eyes half-closed, lips parted, cheeks flushed.

"You look beautiful like this," he murmurs.

"You say the nicest things when your dick's inside me," she gasps, and Shiro grins.

He drags it out, because he doesn't want this to be over - he never does. He wants to spend all night pleasing her, adoring her, worshipping her with his body and his words. That might be impossible, but at the very least he can make this last. Allura lies panting before him, and he takes her slow and steady, increasing his pace enough to make her moan and clutch at the covers. In their time together, he's learned to tell when she's close to orgasm - not just the sounds she makes, but the way her marks light up, brighter and brighter, until they blaze white as she comes. So he holds her hips and thrusts into her until she's almost there, and then draws back and slows down and shallows out. He takes her to the edge and pulls back; once, twice, three times, her moans and cries getting more desperate with each climax she's denied.

"Aah - Takashi - please, fuck, please -" she begs, and it is just what Shiro wants to hear, because it sounds like something a lover would say. Let this be real, even if it's just for a few moments.

"You want to come, sweetheart?" he asks.

"Ah - yes - please, Takashi."

"Then give me your hands."

She obeys. She lifts her arms from beside her and sets them behind her back, and Shiro takes hold of both her wrists. Her hands are so small and dainty that he can grip both her wrists in one palm, and hold her arms together behind her back. She likes this, too. Something inside her loves to give up control and be handled and held and restrained, and Shiro's not complaining, because it's hot as hell. But more than that - she trusts him enough to let him do it, and that means more to Shiro than he cares to admit.

He holds her wrists in one hand, and grips her hip with the other. This time, he's rough with her - another thing she likes, that makes her half-wild with desire. He's teased her long enough. She likes to be really thoroughly fucked, and she can have no complaints about tonight, but Shiro can't stave off his own ending any longer. He takes her quickly, whispering words of praise, urging her to come for him. Her marks shimmer and pulse with light - and then she is crying out and shuddering and clenching around him, lit up like starlight as her orgasm breaks over her and the energy burns through her veins. Shiro releases her wrists so that he can hold her waist and pull her onto him, and she is so tight and slick that it only takes him a few more thrusts to finish. It's hot and intense and he sees stars, and he gasps and cries out, because she can unravel him like no one else can and he's never figured out how to hide it.

He doesn't pull out straight away, but instead stays inside her and runs his hands up her back. When he eases out, she groans.

"Good?" he asks.

She nods into the pillow, and he lifts himself off her and flops down beside her on the bed. He stares at the ceiling whilst Allura stirs beside him and sits up, and the mattress moves as she stands and goes to find her clothes. Shiro sighs, and pulls himself upright, and rubs a hand over his face. Allura throws him his boxers and t-shirt, without looking around, and he pulls them on while she dresses.

It's so good when they're together. But afterwards, it's always like this. She can't wait to leave; she's got what she came for, and she never lingers longer than it takes to get dressed and maybe thank him for the great sex. Tonight, she pulls on her overalls and tidies her hair, and then comes to stand in front of him where he sits perched on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks for tonight," she says.

Shiro looks up at her, and some hint of longing must creep into his expression, because her eyes soften, and she steps a little closer to him. She leans down to kiss him briefly on the lips - just a fleeting gesture of gratitude - and then straightens up, and cards through his hair. She gives him one final smile, and turns around to find her boots.

Shiro watches her sit on the sofa and pull on her shoes, and for some reason it's harder to let her go tonight than it's ever been.

"I wish you'd stay," he whispers.

He doesn't mean for her to hear it. It's almost a prayer to the cosmos; it's a quiet word sent out into a hopeless space. But Allura hears it. She pauses in fastening her boots, and looks across at him, and sits up.

"And do what?" she asks.

Shiro curses under his breath, but the words are out there now, and he has to follow through on them. He might as well.

"We could talk," he says with a shrug. "Cuddle. You can sleep here, if you want."

"That's not what this is," Allura says softly. She leans down and fastens her boots, and stands up.

"But it could be," Shiro says. "Come on. It's fun, isn't it?"

Allura stares at him. She's usually so composed, but now… his words have unlocked some storm of emotions, and they flash behind her eyes, chasing each other across her features. Fear, regret, sadness, longing - every feeling she usually keeps hidden and locked away - he senses all of them. _Is there some part of her that also wants this to be real?_ Then she looks down, and clears her throat.

"I can't," she says. "I told you. This is just something casual."

"Why, though?" Shiro stands up and crosses the room towards her, and she takes a step back, and then stops - uncertain, hesitant, caught between going and staying.

"I'll have to leave one day." Her hands twist together, and she glances at the door, as if planning her escape.

And it makes sense, in a way, because everyone leaves Merzura eventually. But she is still here, and so is he, and his heart aches at the thought of losing her.

"I'll leave one day too," he says. "But couldn't we be happy together in the meantime?"

Allura meets his gaze, and to his shock he sees tears in her eyes. She's never been like this around him. He's never seen her look so vulnerable or scared.

"You don't understand," she whispers. "I could fall in love with you so easily. But I can't. I can never stay in any place for long. One day, I'll have to leave. I won't even get much warning. I'll just have to run. So I can never have attachments. It's too painful."

Shiro frowns. He doesn't understand what she's implying, or how her situation can be so serious. But that doesn't seem to matter; not when she's just admitted she could fall for him the same way he fell for her. He presses on, suddenly reckless, questing for the closeness that has always eluded them both.

"What are you running from?" he asks.

"It's complicated." She hangs her head and looks at the floor. "It's just better if--"

But Shiro's had enough of the distance between them. It takes him just two paces to cross to her side - close enough to cup her face in his hands, lift her head so she's looking at him. She stops talking in surprise, and Shiro takes the opportunity to pull her in and kiss her. He expects some resistance, but she melts into him as he wraps his arms around her.

He pulls away and looks at her, so close he can feel her breath on his cheek.

"I'll run with you, if it comes to it," he says.

She shakes her head. "You don't know what you're saying."

"You think I couldn't love you too?" he asks. "You think I don't already?"

She closes her eyes and rests her forehead against his, and he wipes the tears that spill from her eyes.

"I'll run with you," he says again. "Whatever it takes."

"You can't," Allura whispers. "I have to go alone."

"Not anymore. I'll come with you. I know how to fly a ship as well as fix it. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"You'd do that for me?" she asks. More tears come, and Shiro wipes them away and kisses her - on her lips, her cheeks, her temples.

"I'd do anything for you," he says.

Allura smiles weakly, and lays a hand on his heart.

"You don't even know what I'm running from," she whispers.

"It doesn't matter," he says. "Whatever it is, I won't let you face it alone."

She studies his face, and then nods, and takes a deep breath.

"I'm the last of my kind," she says softly. "My people were not just quint-sensitive. We were great alchemists and mages who could manipulate the living power of the universe. The Galra hunted us, out of fear of what we could do. I'm the only one left. If they find me, they'll kill me. Or worse."

Shiro stares at her in wonder. It makes such perfect sense, because he's always seen her as an ethereal goddess, possessed of incredible power. But at the same time, it explains so much of her sadness. It sounds so lonely that tears sting Shiro's eyes. The last of her kind, always alone, always on the run - never safe enough to settle down, never able to stop, not even able to fall in love… the pain of it rips into his soul.

But he knows, now, that he'll never leave her. He can't. He already felt that before, but knowing just how much she's been through - just how much she's lost - it's absolutely clear to him that he can never leave her side. Fate brought them together; it's the only way to makes sense of it. And that means his destiny is beside her: helping her, protecting her, loving her with all his heart and soul, until the pain eases and she doesn't feel so helplessly alone.

Allura frowns, and looks at her feet. She misread his awed expression, he realises.

"See, I knew it's too much," she whispers.

He lifts her chin, and kisses her softly on the lips.

"It's not too much," he tells her. "You're amazing. And I'll stay with you through anything. If you have to run, I'll run with you. If you need to fight, I'll fight by your side. I promise. You don't have to be alone anymore."

Tears spill down her cheeks, and Allura wraps her arms around him and buries her head in his chest. Shiro holds her tightly, his head tucked into her shoulder, and lets her cry.

"You mean that?" she murmurs, from somewhere near his heart.

"Of course I mean it," he says. "I told you I would do anything for you."

She sniffles, and lifts her head. Shiro gently wipes away her tears, and when he smiles at her she manages a tiny smile in return.

"Stay here," he urges her.

"And do what?" she asks - but this time, the question is teasing and her tone is light.

He shrugs. "Talk? Sleep? You can tell me all about your magic powers, if you like."

She laughs - a tiny, breathless sound, as if she can't quite believe the situation she finds herself in.

"I've never talked about my powers with anyone," she says.

"Do you want to?" Shiro says. He's asked her this so many times - so many nights when she had something on her mind, and he held out a hand and invited her to share it. And every time, she turned him down. But not now. Not tonight.

"I do," she says. "I'd like that very much."

He grins, and leans down to kiss her, and she melts into him. She is no longer possessive or determined; this kiss is not a guilty indulgence, or a prelude to something else. It's real and heartfelt and sincere - it's everything Shiro has ever wanted, since the day he met Allura in a dive bar, and told her she's the most mesmerising creature he's ever met.

They will have to leave Merzura soon, and venture out into the unknown universe, in search of peace and hope - and maybe justice, for Allura and her people. But not tonight. Tonight, they will lie in bed together, and Shiro will hold her and ask her all about her powers and her past. Tonight she will stay, and not run from the closeness between them; and he will repay her trust with kindness and compassion, with all the devotion he has in his heart. And when they sleep, they will sleep together, and neither of them will have to feel alone.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know if i'll ever continue this - i think i just have a boner for grungy SF as a genre and i can't resist setting half a dozen AUs there.


End file.
